my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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