I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
and she was petting her beer can
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
