A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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