Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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