So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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