Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Acid is not a monday night drug
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
