Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
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