just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
