So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
