think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
