Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
