I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
