just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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