Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
