I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
