Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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