we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
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Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
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i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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