I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
