i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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