I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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