if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
