How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
