Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
