it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
