So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
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If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
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I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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