Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
