there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
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