Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
