he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
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Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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