Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
