I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
