She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
