I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
