i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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