I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
