MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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