he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
