you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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