apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
