can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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