i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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