wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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