Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
We need to feng shui this bitch.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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