In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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