its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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