You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
