the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
