I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
