I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
