You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
