im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Randomize
