I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
