Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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