a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
