Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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