The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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