We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
