I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
birth control should be required to get into college
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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