he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY