Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize