is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
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Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
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I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay