Texts From Last Night

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  (734): View more from Michigan

  I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.

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  (734): I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success. http://tfl.nu/p2jc
  Replies (8) Good night (2315) Bad night (608)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?

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  (205): he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy? http://tfl.nu/nikx
  Replies (36) Good night (617) Bad night (4870)
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  (650): View more from California

  This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"

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  (650): This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case" http://tfl.nu/fgo6
  Replies (12) Good night (6636) Bad night (941)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I'm full of awesome ideas

  (972): View more from Texas

  Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...

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  (214): I'm full of awesome ideas (972): Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs... http://tfl.nu/g4si
  Replies (20) Good night (4632) Bad night (1294)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again

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  (860): ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again http://tfl.nu/2l19
  Replies (5) Good night (2593) Bad night (941)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.

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  (419): Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won. http://tfl.nu/dkj1
  Replies (3) Good night (2705) Bad night (985)
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  (606): View more from Kentucky

  I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.

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  (606): I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm. http://tfl.nu/129h
  Replies (12) Good night (977) Bad night (3541)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out

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  (812): and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out http://tfl.nu/6hen
  Replies (5) Good night (2079) Bad night (648)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.

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  (508): Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering. http://tfl.nu/eppe
  Replies (8) Good night (622) Bad night (1690)
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  (805): View more from California

  Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.

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  (805): Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes. http://tfl.nu/5iyn
  Replies (5) Good night (1748) Bad night (489)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.

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  (724): I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked. http://tfl.nu/4abp
  Replies (9) Good night (496) Bad night (1226)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.

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  (601): In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school. http://tfl.nu/n19e
  Replies (10) Good night (1213) Bad night (461)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.

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  (206): As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light. http://tfl.nu/6mx3
  Replies (10) Good night (2683) Bad night (457)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties

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  (605): I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties http://tfl.nu/3zmr
  Replies (4) Good night (753) Bad night (335)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  Talking to him sober hurts my brain

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  (425): Talking to him sober hurts my brain http://tfl.nu/d5oz
  Replies (2) Good night (385) Bad night (342)

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