i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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