Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Randomize
