I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.