I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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