I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
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Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
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She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.