Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness