yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
