Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
