You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
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