Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
My vagina is officially offended.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
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