i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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