I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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