pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
