his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
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When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
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Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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