even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
