I should be sponsored by Trojan
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
