I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
