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I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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